How often have you seen dating profiles with bios that say, 'I don't know what to write about myself'? If I were handed a hundred rupees every time I came across a bio like that or something similar, I'd be sipping margaritas on my own private island now.
If your bio is something like that, chances are you're struggling to stand out in the crowded online dating scene too. You are not alone! Most people struggle to find right words for their dating bios. The good news is this: the key ingredient to an outstanding bio is none other than you! By knowing 'you' (enlightened souls call it self awareness) you can not just write a great bio for yourself, it is the holy grail of better and happy life.
So, how do you develop self awareness, know 'you' in you and make your bio truly yours? Let me give you a recipe for that.
Warning: it takes time and effort, but, the payoff is worth it when those right swipes start coming in. Great men spent their whole life times developing self awareness and teaching others how to develop it. This is not to be taken lightly. We are not oversimplifying it, just making it easier for you to start. Please remember that self-awareness is a journey, a continuing exercise but you need to get started somewhere and this 4 step recipe is one of the starting points.
Now, let's jump straight in.
1. Build the foundation: Think and write about your childhood.
Go on a trip down memory lane, open that Pandora’s box of your past, your childhood, it's not all rainbows and sunshine, let the mess out, unclog the emotional drain. Recall both the positive and negative aspects and write them down on a paper or a word document, and remember that negative experiences leave a profound impact, don't ignore them.
Dig deep for significant memories. Were you the class clown always seeking attention? or maybe a bookworm? How was your upbringing?
What are the adjectives that paint your childhood years. Were you pampered, making you entitled? overlooked?
Were you abused? Maybe you won some prize in your school running race, igniting your love for running. Or when you learned to ride a bike and that exhilarating feeling that stayed with you till date. The point is that it could be anything, however insignificant you may think it is, it can still have an impact on you in profound ways. If you remember it today, it is worth writing down.
These foundational experiences that shaped you define who you are. By acknowledging these roots, you are trying to understand the building blocks of your present day personality.
Don't worry, all this going to be for your eyes only, you are not going to put it on your dating profile. This is like a foundation, not visible but supports the building sitting on it.
This exercise may take a day or two or more, let it, don't rush it. Don't ever show this to anyone, talk about it with anyone, no matter who that is, your parent, friend, doesn't matter. No one should have any access to it. That's why I recommend a password protected word document - a notebook with all this written lying around for others to peep, I can't even begin to think of it. This is very personal, strictly out of bounds for anyone, everyone.
When you are done with the toughest step, move on to the next.
2. Build the roof, walls and doors: Defining Your Traits
Fast forward to the present day. Write down all the traits that define you—the good, the bad, and the ugly (no one's watching, promise).
Do you tend to frantically press the close button in an elevator knowing full well that your neighbor is asking you to hold it?
Do you feed the pigeons and stray dogs to impress your neighbors?
Do you have any secret desires, profane thoughts, crushes, wishes, unconscious beliefs?
Embrace them, let them flow onto that white paper, write them down.
3. Your Interests, and Preferences
Define what you do. If you are a lawyer, you are helping people seeking justice, a doctor helps people protect their wellbeing and so on. It's not the job title, it's the job that matters.
What specific genre of music makes you hum? What kind of movies? What activities? What hobbies? What gives you kicks? Let it all out, sacred, profane, and everything in between.
The following is not essential but good to have: ask yourself why you do what you do, why you like what you like? Because your dad was a lawyer too? Because you always wanted to be a doctor as a youngster but you are not so sure about it now that you are a doctor?
Digging deeper like this helps you weed out superficial thoughts and unsupported beliefs and makes the whole thing authentic and genuine.
4. Hopes and Aspirations
Your aspirations guide your actions hence it is important to define what they are? What do you want out of your life? When do you want to retire? What makes a good life for you and why? What are you goals? Don't have any goals? Why?
When you are done with the last step, you must of brought a lot of subconscious stuff out (if you did it right). Writing them down is meant only to give them a shape, make them known, not as a reference. It is all about you, you don't need to refer to some notes to know about you, right?
These four introspections are best done on four different times (or days), leaving some time for your thoughts mellow down a bit.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you call it fate". ~ Carl Jung
Once you've done that, you'll be able to talk/write about yourself clearly.
If you find the process overwhelming or seek guidance through these steps without judgment with total unconditional confidentiality, explore Dateable's 'Bespoke Bio Writing' service. Let us help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and craft a bio that authentically represents you. Click here to connect with us and start your journey towards a compelling dating profile!